Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Oh, don't get the wrong idea, Eli hasn't lost any teeth yet, that's not the Tooth Fairy I was referring to. I was referring to the one that we've been patiently waiting for since Victoria hit five months; the one that will bring Vicky her first pearly white.

She is now 10 months old and there's nothing. I have been obsessing over this for quite some time now; five years more or less, since Elizabeth was a few months old. You see, Eli was quick with everything. She learned how to talk when she was still tiny; she walked before she was one year old, skipping the crawling stage completely; potty trained by 18 months -please believe me, it's true- and the list goes on. It's not that I'm bragging, these are just the facts (ok, maybe I'm bragging a little bit)...But when her first tooth came in at almost 10 months old, I freaked and thought something must be wrong. The doctor said it was normal and when the rest of her teeth started to come one after the other in a matter of weeks, I made peace with the Tooth Fairy.

Sort of.

When Victoria was born, I secretly hoped that her teeth would come in earlier than Eli's and while I was sure I was keeping my tooth anxiety under control, my husband has assured me that is not the case at all. What I thought was "secretly hoping" is actually very obvious to everyone. Rubbing my daughter's gums looking for teeth has become one of my top priorities and every time I see a little drool, I proudly exclaim "her teeth are coming in!"... Well, Victoria is now a few days over 10 months and trust me when I say that her teeth are no where in sight.

All children are different, or so the baby books and magazines say. So I shouldn't worry, she is doing great in all other areas and is a healthy and happy baby...But...

Yes, a mother always wishes something greater and better for her children. I have to admit that I am being selfish, though. I'm sure that I am the only person in the world so desperate to see her teeth come in. Victoria has no idea that she's even supposed to have them, and the reason I know this is because she can turn any food she puts in her mouth to mush with her gums and not much effort, and she doesn't seem to be thinking, "if only I had teeth...". Also, because when she smiles or laughs, there's not a bit of self-consciousness implying that her gummy grin bothers her.

So now I'm feeling guilty about my obsession. And I at this very moment I vow to stop wishing for teeth, or anything else for that matter. I will follow my husband's very wise example of just enjoying my children the way the are, every minute that I am with them. He often reminds me that Eli stopped being a baby before we knew it and we probably missed a lot of her baby moments while thinking about what was coming next. Maybe it's a mistake that most first-time parents make. But he has learned a lesson and is now embracing every little bit of our daughter's lives as they come, no worries about the future. Doesn't that seem smart and sensible to you? It does to me.

Watching Victoria smile melts my heart and brightens my life because, teeth or no teeth, her smile will always be sincere. She doesn't just smile with her mouth, her eyes are also smiling, her whole face lights up. It tells me that she loves me just the way I am and is not waiting for me to change. Once again my daughters (and husband) teach me something that is priceless.

The No Dancing Rule

For as long as I can remember, dancing is just one of those activities that I'm no good at. Sure, I love it. Music moves me. The problem is that it doesn't move me in an attractive, graceful and coordinated way. There's something called rhythm, or so my husband has tried to explain to me. There's something called beat, another concept my brain can't seem to process. I like to think of myself as average smart, or at least not slobbering slow, but somewhere in the process of making me, God forgot to connect the part of my brain that would make me grasp the sound of music and coordinate it to the movements of my body. I swear he skipped that part all together.

Ok, so now you're wondering why I'm talking about my non-existing dancing skills when I should be telling you a story about my daughters. Well, now that I am a mother, I realized that it comes in handy to look silly, if not like I'm having a spasm, when I try to dance. It makes my children laugh. So for the first time in my life, I'm not embarrassed to dance in front of other people. They really get a kick out of it, Victoria cracks up, Eli follows along and gets silly too, thinking I'm trying to make her laugh, She doesn't know this is how I actually dance; she thinks I do it on purpose.

But even the silliest of moments can become hazardous when you combine two small girls and a rhythmically challenged mother. If you think I'm exaggerating, read on.

Last night, to keep them entertained while I made dinner, Javier played a CD for them; one that has music that Elizabeth loves. She can (and will) listen to it over and over and over without getting bored or tired of it. It is so up beat and fun that I decided (disaster strikes) to dance. I didn't just dance though, I made a point of exaggerating my movements, twirling and jumping around all at the same time. If you have been paying attention to the beginning of this blog, you can easily figure out that this is not a good idea. Ever.

Victoria stood in her crib laughing and Eli began to follow me. She danced a little then tried to hug me from behind, but did this at the same time that I was bringing my arms down...how could I have known that my elbow would fall exactly on her cheek bone, instantly swelling it and cutting it. Can anyone imagine anything worse than hurting your own child to the point of making her bleed? My heart sank as she began to cry. She's tough in the sense that she doesn't easily cry when she gets hurt. But this one really did hurt.

The fuss that came after that is kind of blurry, I know I reacted quickly and put something cold on her face for the swelling, but after that all I could do was cry. I'm a softy, I admit it. All that I could do was apologize to her, hug her and feel like crap. I was feeling like the worst mother in the world for almost giving my daughter her first shiner. Almost, I say because at least I stopped the swelling.

Now, I don't know if I fall into the category of a martyr mom, but I can say that a few minutes later she was making herself pretty in front of the mirror, wearing her Cinderella dress, princess shoes, lipstick (which she's not supposed to) and brushing her hair. This while I was in the kitchen making dinner, trying not to cry and still beating myself up for not being careful enough.

Does that make me a martyr mom? I'm not sure, but what I am sure of is that there's no worse feeling than hurting the person you spend your life trying to protect. Physically or emotionally, neither is better or worse than the other. Specially if you could have avoided this by simply not doing that thing that you already know you don't do so well.

But I am a lucky mother. Elizabeth is a resilient and forgiving girl, as most girls are so I'm sure the wound will heal and there will probably be no visible scarring, but as far as I'm concerned, NO MORE DANCING. That's it. I've given up. I can live without it and I'm so sure that no one in my family will miss it.

A little later, I held Eli in my arms and reminded her (because it's not the first time I've had to tell her this) that she should never sneak up behind me to hug me because I could accidentally step on her (or something worse, as we found out that night). She turned to me with a puzzled look and said, "I wasn't trying to hug you mom, I was trying to stop you."

Oh. Ok. Point well taken.

Victoria and her Changing Moods

What occupies the mind of a nine-month old-baby?

While talking to a co-worker, he was kind enough to ask how she is doing and I mentioned that she spends her days finding ways to get in trouble. His response got me thinking, he said: “of course, she’s a baby, what else can possibly be on her mind?”

Much, I thought. The reason I say this is because even though she refuses to utter a single word, her facial expressions, weird noises and bodily contortions pretty much say it all. I’ve heard so many people say, “Oh, she’s just a baby” implying that babies don’t understand, don’t feel or don’t process information the same way an adult does. I cringe every time I hear this because it could not be farther from the truth. The problem is that as adults, we don’t listen carefully enough to details that can sometimes tell us much more than what we just hear. We are so used to being on the receiving end of words, just words, that we don’t pay enough attention the unspoken and powerful body language of other humans.

I like to think that I have mastered this since Elizabeth was born. I actually can’t remember a time when she and I could not communicate, when we were not in tune with each other. This is happening all over again with Victoria, and let me tell you, this is one moody child! I don’t mean this in a negative way, just in the you-drive-me-crazy-trying-to-figure-out-what-you-want kind of way. She’s feisty, she’s demanding but she can also be so sweet and so cheerful, that it is sometimes hard to keep up with her changing moods, but I try hard and I just might be succeeding.

As a result of this, I decided to put together a few photos that captured her mood and realized that I can tell exactly what she is thinking. You can see the pictures at the top of this blog (click on it for a larger view), and the voice behind it here:

1 – All that playing and eating sure got me tired...
2 – Oh, life is so much fun!
3 – Wow! That shiny thing you're holding is cool, can I have it?
4 – It's not that I'm thinking real hard, I'm just choosing to ignore you.
5 - Please get that camera out of my face, I'm not looking my best right now.
6 - Oh My God! How could you leave me in my crib all alone and walk away for a whole minute? What kind of a mother are you??
7 - I know I'm adorable, but if I put my finger here, they'll love it!
8 - Perfect! Cookie all over my face, hands and clothes. I hope my mom doesn't wipe it off again.
9 - So many cool buttons, so little time!
10 - Ok, I'll kiss you but only because you feed me.
11 - This is the coolest thing I've ever seen...how'd they do it?

And that is life for Victoria, her moods range from happy to cranky to silly to serious in a matter of minutes. But no matter what her mood is, no matter what the situation that surrounds her she knows we love her. I make sure that my own body language is reassuring and loving enough so that she's free explore the world and its many wonders knowing that I will always be there when she has the need to express one of her many newfound feelings. My ears always sharp enough to listen, my mind always open enough to understand and my heart always big enough embrace hers.