How We Love Our Children

Today I won’t be telling you a story, I’ll be asking you a question and to be honest, this is one of those questions to which the answer is never right or wrong. The answer is different for each and every one of us, so bear with me, please.

When our first born, Elizabeth, came to this world I was pleasantly surprised to find out my husband was 100% certain our daughter was the most beautiful baby to have ever been born. I know all parents think this but my surprise was because this came from a man who, for nine months, swore he would not be blinded by first-time-parent love, he knew all babies were born wrinkled and funky-looking and our baby would be no different. Then he saw her and in an instant was mesmerized by the tiny, pale and hairy bundle in his arms. In the following few days he would stare at her in awe and asked me more than once, “how can I love this person so much, when I don’t even know her?”. His question came from the heart, he loved her more than life itself but could not explain how or why.

Then I think about my mom, I go back to the years when I was a little girl and my mom would tell me that she loved us both (my sister and I – who, by the way, could not be more different) just the same. It was always hard for me to understand her, but she insisted that parents love their children because they’re tall, short, skinny, white, smart, slow, good, bad… You get my point, right? In other words, she would love us no matter what because that is what parents do best, they love us.

My mother-in-law is a bit more practical, or less romantic in the idea of perfect love and I often hear her say that she is not blind to her children’s flaws. She really isn’t, she will recognize when they make a mistake, when they’re at fault or simply when they are doing things the wrong way. But that is nothing compared to hearing her talk about their good traits and deeds…her voice changes, her eyes are different, her smile is permanent on her face – you can just see how proud she is of them and how perfect she (secretly) thinks they are.

I have two daughters, Elizabeth and Victoria and I’ve learned that they are very different people and just like my mom said, I love them just the same for who they each are. Just like my mother in law, I know that they are not perfect and can see their flaws but I also know they are wonderful, intelligent and beautiful creatures. Just like my husband, each day makes me wonder how I can love them so much since before they were even born.

I love Elizabeth because she’s sweet and has a funky sense of humor and cries easily and is smart, has a hard time getting up in the morning and because she loves to hug and kiss me; because she loves to draw, paint, sing and likes climbing trees and can’t run very well. She also loves Rocky Balboa as much as I do; she has a big heart and wants to save the world from pollution and people who litter and I love her because she doesn’t like going to bed early, because last week when she went to her first grown up party (a wedding) she danced till the cows came home. Oh yes, and because she has the most beautiful chocolaty eyes that I have ever looked into.

I love Victoria because she’s sharp, loves telling crazy stories (usually rip-offs from her sister’s conversations), has a very funky taste in clothes, wants to be a princess, is extremely self-confident, loves to eat anything in sight, because she’s mischievous and independent. She also cries a lot and when she no longer wants something, she suddenly becomes generous and gives it to whoever is nearest to her, she has a tendency to nag but is funny and makes us laugh and also loves to hug and kiss me and tells me she loves me to infinity and beyond (then asks me, “is that a lot?”). I love her because she was very excited about going to her first grown up party, then slept through it all.

I cannot, to save my life, figure out why we love our children the way we do. The reasons I love Elizabeth and Victoria extend far beyond what I have written here but I don’t think you have one hundred millions years to spare to read all my reasons – and since I want you to keep reading, I just wrote what first came into my mind. I have a co-worker who says that she doesn’t think that men love their children as much as women do, because they do not carry them for nine months in their own body – but I disagree. I think being a parent is about the connection you have with your baby, and the fact that we have a nine-month head start doesn’t mean ours is stronger. Although, in my case it is (just kidding Javier!!!).

It’s Not Just Good Times All the Time

Anyone who has children, whether it's boy or girl, one or five or seven, knows that kids are a handful. They are the most perfect creatures of this universe – most of the time. The thing is, with kids, just as with adults, we have to figure out their moods and their needs and fears and their ups and downs. It’s a little harder because they don’t always know how to express it and if you’re not that good at figuring out other people’s feelings, you’re in for a real (unpleasant) treat. Not only that, but while you’re going nuts trying to figure them out, they are also trying to figure themselves out.

You have to remember that they’re just beginning to learn about this thing we call life, they’re new at everything and sometimes have no idea what’s going on inside of them.
It has to be a little scary to be learning so many things every day and be expected to remember everything your teacher, your mom, your dad, your grandparents, your nanny and if you’re really lucky, you’re older siblings are trying to teach you. Think about it… I’m doing that this very moment and I’m finding out it would be easier to understand and get along with my girls if I kept this present at all times, especially when they’re driving me insane. Unfortunately, I am far from being a perfect parent, so I don’t always keep this type of insight fresh in my mind.

What I am trying to say is that even though my girls are what makes this world wonderful, they can also make me crazy (not in a good way) sometimes. We all have bad days and kids sometimes seem to set their minds on making your day miserable.

Take Victoria for example. She’s kind of sweet and very funny and mostly independent. But give her task she can’t do or say she can’t wear a princess dress or take too long (say, three minutes) between the time she says she’s hungry to the time she’s actually fed and all hell breaks loose. She’s a tiny monster. But this is an improvement in the hunger department compared to Elizabeth who just got cranky and I didn’t know why until she learned that food was in the kitchen and she would take me there and point. Oh, so she’s hungry, duh!

Then there are the times they absolutely must have exactly what you can’t give them and they must have it now. It could be food, a toy, a book, a piece of clothing, candy, etc. Well, both my daughters are really good at asking for what they want one hundred thousand million times in a row, almost without breathing and absolutely not letting me get a word in edgewise.

Not enough? How about the times they fight each other? In the car is especially fun and if there’s a lot of traffic or we’re in a hurry, it’s just a bonus. For the most part, they love and care for each other but they also seem to love getting on each other’s nerves. Say Victoria is in her car seat and Eli is next to her and she happens to touch or lean on Victoria’s seat, she throws a fit and says that Elizabeth is in her space! Are you serious? But she’s not the only insane one, Elizabeth instead of backing off continues to touch Vicky’s seat anywhere she can, even if it’s just with the tip of her finger. Then when Eli wants to sing a song or tell us some story about school, Victoria repeats every word Eli says, most of the times overlapping Eli’s conversation. Eli is annoyed and Vicky is happy and triumphant.

And then there’s the time that…the times that Victoria gets a candy from the store and says she must get one for Elizabeth too. The times I sing her a song in which I get to insert her name in it and she whispers “Eli too, mom”, so I have to sing the line twice – once with her name, one with Elizabeth’s. Oh and when Victoria cries because she’s hurt or sick or tired and Elizabeth starts crying too, because she can’t stand to see her little sister crying. And I just remembered that last week Eli was so extremely proud of Victoria because she was able to draw a perfect happy face with her sidewalk chalk and because Victoria is able to reach the light switch on the bathroom now. Elizabeth ran out of the bathroom and gave us the news “mom, Victoria can reach the light switch; she stretched and can turn on the light with her little hands!”

My favorite is when Victoria takes a nap and Elizabeth takes advantage and grabs her hands, touches them, caresses them, etc. And she tells me “I have to do it now that she is asleep because she doesn’t let me when she’s awake, and I just love her hands, they’re so tiny and soft and pretty!” I also love when they fall asleep together and Vicky's sleepy hands look for Eli and hugs her. Or when they make each other laugh - that's the best.

I could go on and on about this and the more I think about it, the more I think that…you know what? Strike what I said at the beginning of this blog, IT IS ALWAYS GOOD TIMES ALL THE TIME.

Prayers from the Little Ones

I wonder how God prioritizes the millions of prayers he must receive every minute of every day? It must be hard, but I know He is always with us and listens to us and helps us be better people every chance we give him.

Since they were born, I have been the one to pass on my faith in God to my daughters. Before they were able to do it themselves, I would pray with them at night bless them before falling asleep. Once Elizabeth was old enough, I told her do it herself until she actually got it right and now she doesn’t have to be told. Victoria is quickly picking up and as I have mentioned before in this blog, doesn’t like to be helped much. She insists on blessing herself without any help from me or Eli – and it’s just adorable the way she does it. I believe I am right in letting her take care of this herself even though she doesn’t get it right because I think it’s important that they know it’s the thought that counts. As long as she knows what she is doing, I’m ok if it comes out kind of funny.

Lately, I’ve noticed that Elizabeth’s prayers have evolved and I can see she understands that she’s not just doing something I tell her to do – but she’s actually talking to God and asking for what she believes in. This is a good way for me to know what is important to her.

She never fails to thank God for another wonderful day; she never fails to ask him to take care of her family. Then she started to ask God to take care of all the poor and homeless people of the world. This tells me she is thinking of others, she’s trying to empathize and she has a good heart and even though I don’t want her suffering for others, I am glad to know she understands that there are those who are not privileged to have a house and food on a table everyday – an better yet – that she cares about them.

Not too long ago, her prayer included something so thoughtful that I was touched. She prayed for a teacher in her school who had lost a son and had another one seriously injured in hospital, she prayed that he would recover soon and that the deceased son who was now close to Him, would be well. And she prayed so that the teacher would not be too sad. I remember when she told me about it, I felt awful, almost cried - but it was Elizabeth who took action and actually remembered this family in her prayers.

I love this about Elizabeth and I am just happy to know that the little voices and thoughts are just as powerful once they land in God’s hands because theirs are the purest and most sincere. Her prayers remind me that we must expand our thoughts beyond ourselves and our family. There are so many who need a prayer that we should not be selfish about it. Elizabeth does it and it's great in more than one way because Victoria is like Eli's echo - and maybe right now she is just repeating what she hears, but she will eventually understand it and hopefully follow in Eli's footseps.

Right now, Victoria mainly just repeats what Eli says, except for the one thing she adds at the end of every prayer: “God, and also please take care of all my princess dresses”.

Good Night.

Eli is Living the Good Ol’ Days

There are so many emotions and feelings that a child can bring into your life: happiness, joy, confusion, silliness, frustration, pride…but the one thing I hear a lot of people talk about is how their children remind them of what it was to be a kid. Parents often say they become a child again when they are playing with their children.

Silly me, I was sure that I understood that sentiment, but the truth is that it wasn’t until yesterday that I truly grasped the notion of becoming a child again – all thanks to Eli. See, even though I am not proud of this, one of Eli’s favorite past times in the whole wide world is watching TV. If we didn’t control it, she would probably spend all her free time in front of the tube (the tube? It’s not a tube anymore, is it?). And one of my big problems with this is that 90% of what is on TV is junk. It’s awful. I hate it. Cartoons are gross and dumb; TV shows are vulgar; cable is full of graphic, violent and usually PG13 movies. My daughter being only seven years old and TV lover, it’s often a struggle to find something we can agree on for her to watch.

(Warning to non-mexican readers: the movies and shows I am about to mention are all mexican, because that is what we are, so please bear with me).

So, you can imagine how happy I was when my husband introduced Eli to the movies made by his favorite comedian, the ones he watched when he was growing up. This comedian’s name is Cantinflas and he made a huge amount of funny movies, these were not even from my husband’s childhood years, but from a generation before. The movies are mostly black & white, they are so old that some are fuzzy even though they have been restored and digitalized and whatnot. But Eli liked them. She got the jokes and they made her laugh and now we have a huge collection of Cantiflas movies.

Then came my movies. Pedro Infante is probably my favorite actor of all times and his movies range from extremely dramatic films to comedic ones; not only that, but he wasn’t just a great actor, he also had one of the greatest voices I’ve heard, his songs are timeless. The funny thing is that these movies and songs are also not from my time, they were already old when I watched them at Eli’s age. But there’s something about them that just captured me and now capture my daughter’s attention as well. We’ve begun collecting his movies too.

But the best came yesterday when my husband told her about a TV show we used to watch as kids. This one was so famous that they now have cartoons, but the cartoons are no fun compared to the original show. The name of the show is El Chavo, then came El Chapulín Colorado – this one was hilarious. She already knows El Chavo and likes it but yesterday Javier pulled some Chapulín episodes from YouTube and she was instantly hooked.

It was wonderful hearing her laugh like I used to, like Javier used, as she watched the show. Now I understand what all those parents mean when they say they become children again. I stood there watching this show that is so silly and naïve and laughed along with my innocent little girl and for a while, it felt like we were all seven again.

These old and simple jokes had the three of us (Javier included) laughing ourselves silly. It felt good to know we could all sit there and laugh at the same thing. It felt good to not worry about a grown-up joke coming up at an inopportune time or a joke so age inappropriate that it would bring Eli to a million questions I don’t want to answer.

After a while Javier and I went about our business but Eli was in front of the computer, ear-phones on and cracking up. I could hear her hearty and contagious laugh and it made me happy; it made me smile and it made me warm and fuzzy all over – thinking of relaxed afternoons and good times. And thinking about the feeling this gave me, I’m not entirely sure it was the TV show that had me laughing. I think it was Eli’s beautiful and refreshing laugh that made me feel so good. You'd have to hear her to know what I mean, she could make anyone happy...

Usually when you hear people talk about the good old days, they are referring to the days they were young and happy and without a care in the world. I just hope that I am giving Eli enough love and good times so that her good old days aren’t made up of just old movies and TV shows.